(Possibly Lame) Jokes, Riddles and Other Stuff » (Possibly Lame) Jokes|
||(Possibly Lame) Jokes
As the name says, these jokes are possibly lame. Hopefully a couple of them will make you chuckle.
Got a joke? E-mail Mr. A and, if it's good, he'll add it to the site! Jokes added most recently are at the top.
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
Never argue with a 90 degree angle, it's always right!
Why did the math book go to the doctor?
He had a lot of problems.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame that they'll never meet.
What do you call a number that can't sit still?
A roamin' numeral.
3 men walk into a bar. They all got headaches.
Two goldfish are in a tank, one says to the other,"You know how to drive this thing?"
There are two types of people:
Those who need closure, and
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
What kind of dinosaur reads books?
-submitted by Sujit Sivadanam
-submitted by Brandon Doan
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
-submitted by Brandon Doan
What did one snowman say to the other?
"Do you smell carrots?"
-submitted by Julia Kovatch and Brooke Pierce
Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To pick up some spare ribs.
-submitted by Kaeli Arellano
What did the skeleton take when he was sick?
-submitted by Tim Harris
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attacked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them in his mouth without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
-submitted by Jerry He
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
-submitted by Christian Ramirez
So there's a guy drowning in an ocean, a boat stops by and says, do you need help, the drowning person says, no, God will save me. So the boat goes away, another boat comes by and asks, do u need help, he says the same thing and the boat goes away. A third boat comes by, asks the same question and gets the same answer, finally the guy drowns.
In heaven the guy asks God, why he didn't save him, God says, I sent you three boats.
-submitted by Bryan Bottero
What do you get when you cross a dog and a treasure hunter?
-submitted by Anthony Doty
What did the cop yell at the robber bee?
-submitted by Daniel Chang
What has 3 feet but no toes?
-submitted by Evelyn Liu
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
-submitted by Kevin Huey
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
-submitted by Sarah Ratto
What did one math book say to the other?
Don't bother me, I've got my own problems!
-submitted by Meghana Manne
Did you know that 5 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions?-submitted by Dave Scott
What do you get when you cross the circumference of a jack-o-lantern with the diameter?
-submitted by Connor McCutcheon
Why did the man sleep with a ruler?
To see how long he could sleep.
How does the cow add?
With a cow-culator.
Why did the principal fire the cross-eyed teacher?
Because he couldn't control his pupils.
Two guys were working for the city. One would dig a hole—he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole—fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously, one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man watching from the sidewalk couldn't understand what they were doing.
He says to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replies, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
What's a polygon?
A dead parrot.
What's a forum?
A twoum + a twoum.
A guy goes into a restaurant and lounge, with his shirt open at the collar, and is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to get in.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have a one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation, he ties these around his neck, and manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant. The bouncer suspiciously looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, okay, I guess you can come in. Just don't start anything."
What tool is used in math?
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, authorities said the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
There are three types of mathematicians: those who can count and those who can't.
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