AP Essay Review: 2008 Nerds

large view Professor Leonid Fridman

Continuing Review Focus: The Academic Paragraph

In this prompt, students were asked to analyze how Leonid Fridman develops his argument that "America Needs its Nerds." Clearly, the writer believes that modern American culture is decidedly anti-intellectual. He expresses fears and concerns that this attitude will have longterm negative consequences for our nation.

Body paragraphs should have contained the following elements:

Claim/Opinion: Identify a strategy or choice made by the author who has the intention of planting a thought, idea, or feeling into the minds of his or her audience. In this case, what did Leonid Fridman do to raise concern in his audience that our culture does not value intellectualism? What did he do to convince his audience that our current attitude needs to change?

Evidence: Present direct supporting evidence, usually in the form of direct quotations from the text. You must prove beyond a doubt that the writer intended to do this.

Commentary/Explanation: Essentially, explain WHY the author made this choice. HOW might it change or affect the minds of the target audience? Commentary should focus on the author's intentions and the probable effect on the target audience. Higher scoring papers tend to have more commentary than lower scoring papers. It is here that you demonstrate your understanding of what the writer is doing and why. In this case, explain HOW and WHY Fridman's choices convince his audience that we have a problem that must be corrected.

RHETORICAL STRATEGIES

Consider the following strategies used by Fridman that students may have chosen to write about (note: this is NOT a complete list of ideas):

DICTION: Fridman gives a definition of the word "geek." Why? What does he want us to see about the words we use to refer to intellectuals? Who wants to be a geek, a nerd, a square, a pinhead, etc.? Fridman did not use all these words, but what is he suggesting about our culture's language when referring to our academically minded?

COMPARISON/CONTRAST #1: Why does Fridman point out the different attitudes of other nations and peoples towards intellectuals? What does he seem to suggest could happen over the longterm? Why might most readers find this persuasive?

SELECTION OF DETAIL #1: Why point out the attitude and mindset towards studying at Harvard University? Why pick that university from all of the others?

COMPARISON/CONTRAST #2: Why does the author contrast the popularity of athletes and academics? What is his point? How is this rhetorical?

ESSAY STRUCTURE: Why set off the sentence "enough is enough" as its own paragraph? What is his point by doing this?

CHARACTERIZATION: Throughout the piece, how does the writer characterize the typical American mindset. Note how "typical parents" are presented in the last paragraph. In the third paragraph, how are normal kids portrayed? Keep in mind the the writer chooses every word and detail. How does he want you to see typical Americans?

TONE: Consider the emotion with which the writer writes. How, in itself, can this attitude work rhetorically? Reflect on how anger, sarcasm, sympathy, and other emotions can be manipulative. 

THESIS STATEMENT:

The scores for many papers could be determined after the thesis statement. To say that Leonid Fridman wants to change our opinions about nerds, or to show that nerds are import or necessary is incomplete. Based on the concluding paragraph, Fridman clearly portents disaster for our country if we do not change our anti-intellectual attitude. He stokes fears that we will fall behind other countries in international competition. This should be included in the thesis statement as it becomes the primary reason WHY our anti-intellectual attitudes are wrong and need changing. Not to include the primary cause for the needed change is to demonstrate an incomplete understanding at the beginning of the paper.

LINKING IDEAS

Consider that Fridman's essay is a complete whole. All parts work together to support the central thesis. Higher scoring papers recognize the relationships between these parts. Note that Fridman shows that from elementary school to high school, from home to college, from our language to our popular culture, nerds are discriminated against. He shows that students received these messages throughout their youth and into adulthood, imbibing such attitudes. What, then, might the consequence be?  Don't address each of the author's choices as an isolated event. All work together. Those who recognize this will score higher.

BODY PARAGRAPHS

Here follows some sample student paragraphs from our practice essay. To better illustrate the necessary parts of the academic paragraph, I have used the following color-coding:

Claim/Opinion (red)

Evidence (normal black)

Commentary/Explanation (blue)

He explains the origin of "geek", which used to mean "a freak biting the head off alive chicken", making audience realize how American culture has belittle the "pursuit of knowledge" throughout the history. Then he juxtaposes the images of athletes like football players who are "idolized" like heros. Through the contrasting images, fridman exhibits the anti-intellectualism in our society.

COMMENT: This paragraph is essentially summary, not analysis. The writer identifies and shows choices made by Fridman but does not explain HOW or WHY these choices work rhetorically. HOW might the realization of the meaning of "geek" change perspectives on nerds? HOW does Fridman expect his audience to react to the stated juxtaposition? WHY would their minds be changed as a result of Fridman's choices?

Fridman's choices of detail helps us to understand how nerds are viewed in America. He states: "A geek, according to Webster ... is a street performer who shocks the public by biting off heads of live chicken". This dictionary definition describe a geek. Someone who dedicates his time to reading and studying masterpieces and intulectual ideas as a freak. Someone who goes beyond is referred to a "psycho" bitting off head. Furthurmore, the choices of details help us understand what a nerd is outside of America. He says: "...In east Asia, a kid who studies hard... is held up as an example." This quote helps us understand that America takes knowledge for granted and not something looked up upon. The choice's detail helps us see how nerds and geeks are viewed in different societies.

COMMENT: First, note that the claim/opinion is vague and nonspecific. Directly state the viewpoint in America and abroad. Next, consider the commentary. HOW does the definition of "geek," as presented by the author, impact the audience? What does he want us to think or feel? HOW does it change our perspective? Note that the first part of the commentary does not address why the author presented this definition. In the second part of the essay, address WHY Fridman wants us to see the American attitudes are different from East Asia's. HOW does he want his audience to react to this claim? WHY does he show it to us?

By not addressing HOW and WHY, this response is more summary than analysis.  

The final paragraph of the passage consists of two rhetorical questions. These serve to leave the reader thinking at the end of the passage. The reader is meant to consider where society will go if people,"constantly emphasize social skills and physical prowess over academic achievment and intellectual ability." The author intends for readers to wonder about this question, and since they just finished his argument, they should likely be persuaded to his answer.

COMMENT: Note how the commentary needs to be reworked. The writer should speculate on "where society will go." Fridman clearly hints at the end that our nation will face great obstacles if we don't keep up with the burgeoning intellectualism of other countries. Bring in additional evidence and then explain WHY and HOW such a situation should concern us. In so doing, one explains how these choices work rhetorically.

Fridman gives us multiple examples of nerds and geeks being stereotyped. For example, in lines 11-14, he states that even students at a "prestigious academic institution like Harvard" are "ashamed to admit ...how much they study." This has formed because of the geek/ nerd steryotype; the students are afraid that if they reveal their true self, they will be labeled as a geek/ nerd and will be come an outcast.

COMMENT: WHY does Fridman want us to see anti-intellectualism at Harvard University? WHY should we be concerned about that at our top academic university? HOW does this connect with his other points persuasively? Note that the commentary here does not address the rhetorical intentions of the author. Commentary should focus on the intent behind the choice. WHY or HOW, by doing this, does Fridman get his audience closer to agreeing with him?

The use of the word "enough", bring power into what the author is saying. Fridman's use of imagery also helps the reader understand the rising emotions of the author; "who havent the bright kid with thick glasses from kindergarten to grave." The author carries out the rest of the essay be respectfully comparing the United States to other countries. By attacking our culture, he is really getting deep into the minds of the readers.

COMMENT: This is a claim/opinion paragraph. The writer makes a claim about diction, imagery, and comparison. However, evidence is only presented for one and there is no commentary as to HOW or WHY the choice works persuasively. AP scoring is based on the presentation of fully developed ideas. "Listing," such as above, is heavily penalized.

Fridman's comparison to other countries brings out the competitiveness in the reader. He refers to "our economic rivals in east Asia", where the "nerd" is embraced and encouraged. The reader is convinced that our "economic rivals" cannot be defeated unless those who study hard are better appreciated as they are in "most industrialized nations." He goes on to claim that in other parts of the world, teachers at good universities are highly paid, while in America average athletes are paid more than great educators.

COMMENT: First, note the vague first line. Always be specific. The first point is appropriate but not well explained. Talk more about the audience. WHY does Fridman want us to see that other nations view intellectuals differently? WHY should this concern us? WHY might it persuade us to change? The given commentary is vague ("cannot be defeated"). Here is a place to extend. Note that the last sentence is certainly related but, as presented, is unelaborated. SHOW direct evidence that the writer did indeed make this claim; then, explain WHY the author believes that these facts would concern his audience, winning them over to his way of thinking.

Fridman also compares the intelligent crowd to the athletic crowd and states differences in how they are recognized by the American society and other nations. Fridman states how the intelligent crowd is "ostracized" and the athletic croud is "idolized" whereas in other countries it is merely the opposite for the intelligent crowd. He states how it is outrageos that a professional ballplayer is much more respected than a paid faculty member at the best university.

COMMENT: Note several claims without full elaboration, summarizing the author's choices but not explaining WHY he made them. HOW do these choices work to change the mind of Fridman's audience?

Sample Essays for the Nerds Prompt (pdf file)

2008 Form B Prompts including Nerds (pdf file)

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